Reflections upon 2011

Much has happened during this year. Much that I would like to forget and put way, way, WAY back in my memories. Stresses and arguments, wars and deaths. I want to start anew, but I know that even though all the crap that happened this year has made me stronger, it has also made me cynical. I have lost friends, gained new ones and strengthened established relationships. I have watched my children grow a little taller and more mature (of course as I write this, my two older kids are acting like infants-they are 11 and 10 yrs old). Time seems to be going faster as I get older, and all I want it to do is slow down just a bit.
I hope in the new year I can step back and slow down. I hope I can stop letting everything stress me out. I hope I can start trusting my own mind and heart and not the thoughts and actions of others, especially those who would rather hurt me than help me. And I say "I hope" because we all set up expectations of what we want to become as the New Year arrives. I want to have "Hopes" rather than "resolutions".
But for my last "Hope", I hope you all have a safe Happy New Year with much love, luck and happiness throughout. And as they say in my maternal grandfather's language 事事如意、心想事成 (shì shì rúyì, xīn xiǎng shì chéng)： Things will happen as you wish.
Happy New Year To You All!

Tis the season- For a Christmas lament

Ok, 4 days till Christmas, and all through the house.
My children are screaming and so is the spouse.
The stockings are hidden, the gifts are all wrapped.
Santa has been here, he called in advance.
He likes to come early to discuss all the kids.
But now I have called him,
I hope he replies.
My son got a gift today,
that's already been brought.
From a school in the area,
It was a gracious thought.
I appreciate the gesture
I really, truly do.
But it's already been bought.
Now what do we do?
Do I go and unwrap it and send it back too?
So now I am panicked.
Now I will fret.
And what else should I get him,
to replace the great gift?
A game, or a toy, or a stupid pogo stick?
I really wish Christmas would miss me this year!
I'm tired of the songs, and the joy and the greed.
I just want the new year to come here with speed.
So Santa please hurry, and make it come fast.
And please make it go away, finally at last!!

My Boy, The Gymnast and My Hero!

Yesterday, my oldest son (A.D.D. Boy) had his first gymnastics meet. I was so proud of him, because even though he started later in life than most gymnasts(most gymnasts start as early as 3 yrs old), he did AWESOME.  Here is his story :)
He started when he was 8yo.  We weren't even looking for an activity for him, we were looking to place his brother(Misery child) in a program to help with his social skills.  So we asked ADD boy if he wanted to try it.  My kid, never passing up an opportunity to be physical, said yes. So he joined a boy's class, soon he was in two classes, one boy's class and a trampoline class.  That soon turned into one boy's class, a trampoline class and trampoline pre-team.  He loved it, lived for it.  But after some time, the boy's class was not enough for him, he wanted more. 

So we joined a new gym that had boy's competitive teams.  We told the instructor that his goal was a team placement, he said okay, but put him in an advanced boy's class.  Well after a year of going nowhere and doing nothing but more trampoline, I asked the teacher about the boy's team.  By this time my son was 10yo.  He proceeds to tell me that he is too old for a team.  I proceed to look for another gym.  Someone suggested Indigo Gym in New Providence, NJ.  We called and made an appointment for a try out.  This gym was relatively new, we had hoped that they would say "Yes, we want you!". 

And that is just what they did.  They put ADD on the pre-team.  Six months later, they put him on level 5 non competitive team (he started too late on team to compete).  And this was fine because he got extra time to learn routines and build muscle strength.  This year he is on the competitive team, and he totally ROCKS!  I love the fact that even though my son was told "No" by other people, he never gave up, never got down about it.  He brushed himself off, and kept on trying.  How many 11yr olds can you say you know that act like this?  

If you know someone, regardless of their age, and they keep trying to achieve their goals, no matter how great or small they may be- pat them on the back, let them know how much you admire them. I hope my son realizes how proud I am of him and all he does and that it's not the medals that make me feel this way, it's he, himself, that is the reason.

Oh, and BTW- he came in 10th place All Around for his age group!!! Who's too old now, Jerky!!

O Christmas Tree, OChristmas Tree, will you change my mood- we'll see

The morning started very early for me.  I arose at 6:30 for no reason.  Decided I would try to knit a bit more (it actually is beginning to look like a scarf-GO ME!!).  Then my 10 yr old (Misery child) came downstairs, and thus my peace and quiet (more like my sanity) was ripped away from me in the tornado that is Mr. Misery.  He went to bed late and woke up too early and that equals BAD MOOD!!
So after an hour of screaming at me, he starts crying.  I get him to calm down, and then he gets a nosebleed, which is also typical of him. Okay, crisis averted.
Seeing as it is December 3rd, I should feel christmassy, but alas I do not.  So I have suggested to the family that we go get our Christmas Tree today.  My husband being in a good mood (or at least afraid of me turning to the dark side) said ok.  Maybe it will lift my spirits as well as the kids or at least give them something to look forward to doing today, seeing as it is a Do Nothing Day.  So we get the kids bundled up, go to Home Depot, and A.D.D. boy (my 11yo) picks a beautiful one. This was the easy part-  it turned into a big Chaotic mess when we got home.
My kids were excited, ESPECIALLY Chaos child (my 5yo).  This is the first Christmas that he finally realizes what is going on.
As I am trying to string up the lights, I must have gotten 5 calls and messages (did I ever mention that I have a hard time transitioning from one activity to another without cursing?? Hmm now you know, and knowing is half the battle).  In all the noise and mess of Christmas decorations, i finally let the kids decorate the tree.  Well, I forgot to tell my older two kids  DO NOT TO LET CHAOS HAVE THE GLASS ORNAMENTS!!  It was my fault, I didn't think about it.  So now I am missing 3 glass ornaments that we have had since we got married (they were a gift from my Bestie Amy, a really beautiful bridal set). So now I am ready to cry, but not before I start screaming for assistance from "The Man"-AKA Rick. It did get better after his assistance was requested. 
Here is the final result:

 I put out my Christmas Village, which I have never done before.  It is not that big, but it is a work in progress :)

We all worked as a family, which is rare in my house (I can't even get the kids to sit at the table and eat diner together) so it was nice.  The day finished quietly, the kids went to bed early.  I got to knit a bit more and The Man got to beat things up on the PS3.  Still not feeling the Christmas Spirit, but it is early yet in the season. 

Today's Score

Today's score is an arrangement of The Twelve Days of Christmas.  Please take a listen and let me know how you like it.  Happy Holidays everyone!

December's List of Authors to check out!!!!

Last month I put up a list of new authors.  Here is this month's list.
And please, if you read one of their books-Give a review :)

S.L.Pearce- http://slpiercebooks.blogspot.com/
joey Pinkney- http://joeypinkney.com/
Ron Gavalik- http://www.gritcitypublications.com/
Benjamin Matvey- http://www.fictionaut.com/stories/benjamin-matvey/piece-of-mind
Watt Davenport- http://www.lunaraseries.com/
Eric Kobb Miller- http://spittoonssaloon.blogspot.com/
Arleen Alleman- http://www.arleenalleman.com/
Kathryn Braund- http://www.kathrynbraund.net/
Steve Umstead- http://steveumstead.com/
Frank Marcopolos- http://frankmarcopolos.com/
Steven Ames Berry- http://authorstephenamesberry.com/
Martin Perry- http://legacy-universe.com/
John-Paul Cleary-  http://convergentspace.blog.co.uk/
Bernard J. Schaffer- http://apiarysociety.typepad.com/enemy_blog/
Many stories to choose from- http://storyfans.com/
Kevin Paul Shaw Broden- http://kevinpsbroden.blogspot.com/
Laura Stamps- http://www.avampskiss.blogspot.com/
Roger Grubbs- http://booksbyrogergrubbs.wordpress.com/
John Lavan- http://poemsfromreality.blogspot.com/
Virgil Allen Moore- http://demongift.blogspot.com/
Jesse James Freeman- http://billypurgatory.wordpress.com/
William G. Jones- http://williamgjones.com/blog/
Jessica Hatchigan- http://hatchigan.com/about.html

Moody aint the word

I don't know what is going on around me. My kids are little bags of opposition, my husband is just oblivious, and I'm definitely not a happy camper.
I recently found out that someone I knew and respected passed on. I don't know whether I want to cry or be angry because I found out by accident. Homeschooling is not going well for my older son. I just realised that he is failing two subjects because he is lazy and I've been too lax about his studies. My middle son is acting even more obnoxious than usual (and that's with him on the meds), and my younger son is refusing to potty train and keeps being destructive.
I really want to just skip Christmas this year. I feel very disconnected from reality. Maybe I'm going through my midlife crisis, and that would be fine except I'm only 36yrs old. Should I go out and buy a Harley? My older son would suggest a corvette instead.
I think I will go play Christmas music and bawl my eyes out. This is definitely starting to turn out to be a blue Christmas for me.

Black Friday=Epic Fail!!!

Every year I go out on Black Friday with my friend Amy.  We usually do really well, despite the smelly, rude people we encounter at the mall (most of them shopping in Macy's)  Well much to our surprise, this was not meant to be today.  The stores were EMPTY.  Like a ghost town in some.  The mall was just somewhat busier.  Did all the crazy people go shopping last night?  Did we miss some secret shoppers sale because we chose to go at 4am instead of at midnight?  And not only were the stores empty, the sales sucked too!  I usually finish the majority of my shopping in one day, but today was different.  It looks like it will be a very Amazon.com Christmas this year.  I hope the UPS drivers are getting ready for me, because I still have a lot to purchase (and a lot to return because I found it cheaper online when I returned home :(
Did you go out shopping today?  And how did you fare?  I wonder if many people are having the same issue that I did.

Happy Thanksgiving :)

Today is the day I have been planning for. The day I have been dreading. I'm going to cook all this food, and I will only eat a little of it today. You spend hours and hours of prepping and cooking, and when the meal is served all you want to do is eat a piece of bread and go to bed.
On the upside- I will not have to cook for at least two weeks. Leftovers are my favourite part of this holiday. And making turkey soup is the crowning finale of the leftovers.
Alright, I think I'm ready. Come on Thanksgiving, I'm ready for you. Let's get this party started!!
Wishing you all a very safe and joyous Thanksgiving. Filled with family and friends. And if you would rather not celebrate with others, you can always use one of the excuses from my previous post 😁

New Holiday Excuses for not coming over for Thanksgiving

Here are a list of excuses you may have heard or used to get out of going somewhere for Thanksgiving.
1-I want to stay home by myself and reflect on the year.
2-I hurt myself and I am too hopped up on percoset/vikaden/codine/crack cocaine/etc to be social.
3-So and so wasn't invited, so I will stay home with them.  Don't want them to be alone on a holiday!
4-You live too far away, and the kids can't sit long enough to handle the ride.
5-My (insert name here) only eats my cooking.
6- The kids don't really like turkey and the sides.  We will just grab McDonald's.
7-We don't DO Thanksgiving.
8-Don't have anyone to take care of my (cat, dog, kid, elderly neighbour,tarantula,etc)
9- I NEED to stay home and watch a football game, paint dry, leaves fall off the trees,etc.
And finally:
10- We really don't like you, but deal with you because we have to, no hard feelings or anything but we would rather douse ourselves in gravy and jump into a pit of angry and hungry rat dogs and scorpions, while doing the jig, naked!

As the holidays approach- a ranting of holidays past,of sorts.

I love the feeling of the holidays.  The air is different, the people a bit nicer, and my house a lot more chaotic.  I love to cook, especially for Thanksgiving.  I always make a ton of food for my small house (there are 5 of us plus the MIL), just in case all the people that I invite over, would actually come over.

When I was a young child, I used to love going to my grandparents house for Thanksgiving and Christmas Eve, hanging with my cousins, eating the great food (American and Spanish- Oh it makes my mouth water just remembering it).  I loved that feeling of belonging to something greater.  It was always about being with each other, not the presents (because in actuality, mine usually sucked anyway-never anything that I wanted, just whatever was on sale).  But I looked past that because it wasn't the reason why we were gathered.  So when we started our family, I always wanted to do the same thing- invite all of my friends and family over so we could be together to eat, drink and watch the kids be crazy.

Now don't get me wrong,  I love spending time with my little family.  I also came from a family of 5.  But I always had my Nannie, or uncles or mom's friends come over to our house either on or the day before or the day after the holiday.  We don't really do that now.  Everyone is too busy with their own lives, or we just are not on the priority list.  I'm lucky to get a phone call or a card from some of our relatives, the acknowledgement that you exist, but are not worthy to belong to their special club.

So every year we invite friends or family, in hopes that I can relive the glorious days of old.  Some say they are coming and some say maybe, and others say "no" (my parents live in N.Y. and don't drive.)  I am always prepared, I go buy the biggest turkey I can find,  all ingredients for the sides and desserts, and I start prepping days in advance.  And then the phone calls come-"sorry, we changed our minds, maybe we will come for dessert"  or "sorry, we are going to stay home because I don't want to drive the 30mins it takes to get to you" or even better yet -"I don't celebrate the holidays, I just want to be by myself (my husband tried this one the first year we were dating, that sooo didn't fly with me)".  Well thanks, I now know why I gain about 40lbs during the holidays, it's because I refuse to let the food go to waste.

But, even though this happens EVERY DAMN YEAR, I still invite my friends and family over,  I still make enough food to feed and army,  I still crave the feeling of belonging to something other than my small family, for my kids to have the same experience. And I am still hopeful that someone might surprise me one day and just show up.  I might have a heart attack, but I"ll have one with a smile on my face :D
So, I hope you have a wonderful Thanksgiving.  One filled with friends and family, no matter how big or small it may be.  This year I will try to be Thankful for the many blessings that have been bestowed unto me and my family, because that's what it really about!
HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!!!!

Today's Score

Today's score is an original composition called Echoes of Spike.  Please take a listen and let me know how you like it.  If you have the Scorch plugin in your browser you can also find it here at Score Exchange.

Knitting, an adventure

I am going to try to knit.  I can crochet pretty decently already and I have decided I need to broaden my horizons.  I have tried knitting before, with minimal success.  I can make a scarf, that is about my skill level with knitting.  Pathetic, I know, especially since I have made sweaters, nativities, blankets-all with crochet.  I feel like if I don't learn how to knit, I will become a yarn failure.  You may ask- how hard can it be?  You can do one, why can't you do the other?  I have this same problem with the piano.  I can play with one hand quite well-but get two hands together and all hell breaks loose!!  So, here I go, into the wild knitting yonder.  Hope I don't poke an eye out with the needles, they are mighty pointy :x

A Sick Person's Whinge

Who likes to be sick??? Not I! But this is the time of year when I am bombarded by illness from the little germ bags I like to call "kids".  I hate feeling like I have not accomplished anything because my immune system has decided to go on vacation.  I hate knowing that school work is not being done, and the house is a mess and I just don't have the energy (or enthusiasm) to take care of it.  So, instead of actually doing productive work, I am hiding in my husband's office (don't worry dear, I am not playing with your Transformers-scouts honor!!) with the heater on, and a cup of tea waiting for the Advil to take affect and make the headache go away.  Oh well, guess I will have to suck it up and deal with this being a very non productive day.

Today's Score

Today's newest arrangement is Hallelujah Chorus by Handel.  Please take a listen and let me know how you like it.  If you have the Scorch plugin in your browser you can also find it here at Score Exchange.

Average, ordinary, typical day

       Today was a normal day, with the exception that my 10yr old was home.  We got to savor the morning without rushing to go anywhere.  The only exception to the day was the home school session.  I think my son has finally realized that his brothers are working and they are not just laying around with mom all day.  He said to me that home school is not for him and he wants to go back to HIS school on Monday.
       "I think that would be good too" I said to him.  He said he likes his friends and teachers- but most of all he likes all the trips he goes on, Karate, Square (he does the Miller Method- no ABA for us :), OT and Speech and all the other special things that this wonderful school does. 
        I think my son is finally maturing a bit, not too much, but enough for now.  We don't need to rush it.  I want him to be as innocent as possible for a little while longer.  Now if only I can get him to stop teaching the 5yr old bad things- all would be good :)

You know your kid is in trouble when....

Let me first say, that my son's school and the faculty ROCK!! But I know when my 10 year old son is in trouble when the Principal (or the Social Worker, she cornered me this morning) meets me at the car before I have a chance to get out of it.  It boggles my mind that it takes 4 adults and 3 hours to calm down my son.  Now wait, before you think my child is the spawn of Satan, you should first know that he is a high functioning autistic.  My son is not an easy child, never has been.  He runs circles around us mentally.  He is always about 3 steps ahead in his thinking (or manipulation, which ever comes first).  Yesterday was going well, until they tried to get him to eat an English muffin pizza (He flipped out about pizza??) Oh yes, he did.  This child has only recently been able to have milk and milk products- so it has not really sunk in that he can eat cheese again. So that was the start to the "tantrum" or rage cycle(as we like to call it).  Then it escalated- this is when it gets bad.  There were threats to beat up the teacher (which he tried to fulfill. Good thing there are 2 other teachers in the class.), threats to blow up the school, bad words, throwing himself on the floor, scaring and upsetting the other kids in class (there are only 6 kids in a class at this school).  The child spent the afternoon with his Principal (bless this man- he has the patience of a saint!!) trying to find out why he flipped out and how he could change his behaviour.  So to make a long story short, they find out that my child is jealous of his 2 other brothers because they are home-schooled and get to play with mommy all day (if you ask my 2 other kids if they like being home with mommy, the answer would be NO! at least from the 5 yr old.  The 11yr old would say "HELL NO!!!") Don't know how they got to this, but any info is good to have.  So to punish and torture, not just the child in trouble, but ALL of them(because I am sadistic), said child will be doing home-school with mommy and his brothers on Thursday and Friday (he has no school for teacher convention and Veteran's Day).  Hopefully this will squash any feelings of jealousy, and instead make him want to go to school and behave.  Well, one can dream. Can't they??

A list of author's to read and follow

I love to read.  Here are a few that are on my "To-Read" list!!  I hope something on this post will spark an interest to you!   If you happen to read one- Please write a review for them!! Thanks :)
Ok- here goes......
Rick Gualtieri- Bill theVampire, Scary Dead Things, Poptart Manifesto http://www.poptartmanifesto.com
Susan Sutherland- The Susan Sutherland Secret http://susansoutherland.com/
Vive Le Nerd- funny ass blogger http://vivelenerd.blogspot.com/
Tim Greaton-The Santa Shop, Under-Heaven, Zachary Pill, The Dragon at Station End, ancestor Book 1, Bones in the Tree http://www.timgreatonforum.blogspot.com/
David Gaughran-If you go into the Woods, Transfection, Let's Get Digital http://davidgaughran.wordpress.com/
Evolution Gray- Standard Issue Partner http://www.evolutiongray.com/
Fun London-The Dog prince, Lost in the Woods, The Wonderkind http://www.evolutiongray.com/
Michael R. Hicks-In Her Name, Season of the Harvest, Path to Self Publishing Success http://authormichaelhicks.com/
Kristl Thompson-Pterippus http://www.kristlthompson.com/index2.html
Elise Stokes- Cassidy Joness and the Secret Formula http://www.cassidyjonesadventures.com/
Jens E. Huebner- The Mozart Killer, Vampire Dreams, The Mummy Maker's Daughter http://meryneith.com/
Lisa Vaughn- The Gifted Ones http://thegiftedonesmemoir.blogspot.com/
Jeff Davis- Preying Angels- He does not have a page site yet- will update when he gets one!
Steven Montano- Blood Red Skies, Black Scars http://bloodskies.com/
Christopher Petersen- Tear in Time, Endless Summer, What the Heck is Up with Heaven?, No Rest for the Wicked, Destination "B"-an Adventure to the Andes http://christopherdavidpetersen.wordpress.com/
Laura Sherman- Chess is Child's Play http://laurasherman.com/
Sarah Snyder/ Michelle Hughes- Tears of Crimson http://www.tearsofcrimson.info/
Larry Enright- Four Years from Home, A King in a Court of Fools http://larryenright.net/
Lisa Day- The Stepbrothers http://lisaday.weebly.com/
Lizzie Ford- A Demon's Desire, The Ryn Trillogy, Kiera's Moon, The War of God Series, The Warlord's Secret, Maddy's Oasis, Mind Cafe http://www.guerrillawordfare.com/

Who am I? Okay this is the rant for today-you have been warned!!!!

            Even though my profile is on the page, it really does not say who I am.  I feel like I am very different than that person.  It is very vague and dry.  I am so much more than that person.  But if I ask others that know me the question "who am I?" I would undoubtedly get many different answers (and knowing my friends, some of those answers would not be kind!!) 
             So the question is "Who am I?" Do I want to be known as a Mom only?  Wife?  Musician? Sister? Daughter? Pain in the ass?  So here is my answer to this question.
This is how I define Alissa:
I am crazy (especially when my kids are involved) and generous.  I am insecure and indecisive.  I have attention issues, as in I don't have any -this is where my oldest gets it from :o.  I am impatient and a perfectionist when it comes to a task for someone else.  I can be materialistic at times- well hell, i am a Taurus to a tee!!  I love music (but not all music- I am a snob about that).  I am not beautiful- but I am not ugly (except sometimes in my actions).  I am confused at times and confident once in a while.  I like to crochet.  I can be funny haha, but those times are rare.  I take everything around me a bit too seriously.  And I am sure there are other really boring things about me that I haven't even figured out yet.
          So expect me to be a bit weird, irrational and bitchy.  And if you can handle that, then that's great.  I will then expect you to be blunt about what you see or hear from me. 
Okay, got to go and teach the kids something before they declare it a holiday from school- and that is just not going to happen today!! 
Hope today is kind to you!!!
Alissa

Bonus Sunday Score!

Here is my most popular score from ScoreExchange.com, A Christmas Hymnal Medley .  Not too surprising considering the time of year.

Today's Score

Here is today's arrangement, Carol of the Bells.  Feel free to let me know what you think.  Comments, both cruel and kind, are appreciated.  :)

If you have the Scorch plug-in, please view the score at: www.scoreexchange.com