Autism Awareness Month-Blah!!

Don't be fooled by the title. Autism is a very serious thing in my home. Every month is autism awareness month here.
I have two boys with this diagnosis (10yrs old and 5yrs old). And even though they are higher functioning (they are not Aspies though), I get to see kids who are not, every day. These kids are all beautiful, and very challenging. They require and deserve special, TRAINED, educators in a safe and caring environment.
I am not one of those parents who wants their kids with "typical"kids. I like the fact that my 10yr old is in a class of 6. That he is in a special school with maybe, at most, 55 other kids. I like the fact that my child is not around "typical" kids. The kids in his class are not cliquish. They are not bullies. They do not intentionally cause physical harm to others. They all help and look out for each other, whether with Voices or actions. They don't care what brand sneakers they have on or what designer made their clothes. All they care about is whether the tag on their shirt is irritating or their sneakers have laces or Velcro ( this is a big thing to my son- he hates tying his shoes)
Their day is structured differently. My son has different therapies spaced throughout the day, and most of his academics have therapies intertwined.
My 10yr old is almost 2 yrs behind academically then his peers. But put a computer in front of him, and he could probably teach you how to hack into the school's system. He tries to socialized with kids his own age, but they call him "weird", "strange" and someone dared to call him "stupid" in front of me.
My 5 yr old is lovable, and fearless. He is home-schooled right now. His day is much like his brothers, except I'm the one trying to mix therapy and schoolwork. He goes to speech and OT(occupational therapy)just like his brother. He is also about 2 yrs behind, but emotionally, not academically. And just like his brother, tries to be social. They both are trying to fit into a world that does not make sense to them and vice- versa.
So what do I want You as the reader, to get from this rant? Here goes the educational part :)

Children with autism require patience and tolerance.

Children with autism will Not Grow Out of It. But some of their delays Might get better with intense therapy.

Children with autism need specially Educated and Trained teachers AND Aides.

Children with autism(and ANY special need)need the parents of "Typical" children to set an example of how to treat those who are DIFFERENT then them.

Parents of children with autism want a cure, sure, but we would rather have services to help our kids NOW! I don't care how they became afflicted, they have it, its done and over with. I want to help them flourish and become the best that they can be when they become adults. Because reality is, I'm not always going to be there to take care of them. I need to know that A: they are independent enough to survive on their own. Or B: there is a loving, caring place for them that can take over for my husband and myself when we are no longer here.

And here is a BIGGIE, so pay very close attention-

Parents of Children with autism need people to stop offering discipline advice. You see me trying to calm
My kid down while we are in the middle of a rage cycle- either help me calm him down so he can't hurt himself and others or keep walking. I don't need your advice on how I'm using the wrong tone with my kid, While I'm trying to calm him down. When he is like that- he can't hear me, he can't rationalize what is going on. Trust me, I know what I'm doing. I've had LOTS of practice- almost 30 yrs worth ( one of my siblings is also on the spectrum).

So I hope I've been helpful. I hope I've given you something to think about as you go on with your daily life. I'd tell you to go hug a Autie- but you might get decked by them!!

Instrument anyone?

No, not of torture (even though I wouldn't mind one of those too!!). I have started the process of buying a new flute, because I am outgrowing mine- not in a physical way, mind you, but in a mental way. The Man bought me my current flute after I graduated from college many,many moons ago. I feel it's time for me to use a more advanced instrument. Instead of looking for a flute that will take a beating( I'm very heavy handed on my instruments, more technical), I want one with a beautiful tone as well. Here in lies the problem. I HATE trying things out with people staring at me. I usually sound like crap and I get self conscious. I tried out an intermediate flute yesterday, a Jupiter. It was like the one I have, but with a low B key. ( for those of you who have no clue what I'm talking about, the extra key is a good thing). My current flute does not have this feature. I picked up the flute and almost dropped it, it was too light. Okay, right there I knew it was not what I wanted. I tried playing it, only scales( I dislike when people just go into music stores and try to show off by playing ridiculously difficult pieces of music). Definitely not the tone I wanted. I need some thing warmer.
So at least this was a good start, I think? I shall keep on looking :)

A little bit pissy

I see people chatting on twitter and Facebook all the time. On twitter, I mostly have authors as followers due to the fact that that is what my husband wants to be when he grows up. This is cool, but, I am not an author and hence, no one talks to me unless I have retweeted their posts. My husband on the other hand- everyone pretty much chats with him. I figured, let's do something fun and different. I posted up lyrics to random songs from my iPod. Let's play a game, I suggest. The only two people to play were my sister and my husband-and they both left to eat lunch ( or slack off-you know who I'm talking about!!) I know people work, but not everyone is. And I know this because I see the exchanges going on. So once again I gotta ask- why bother being on twitter? I have to start rethinking why I shouldn't just delete my account.

The Funk of Life

So here it is, February already.  Just yesterday it was January and the year was new.  It's now month 2 and I feel like it is flying by.  Between homeschooling, gymnastic meets, car pooling, germy kids contaminating my immune system and Dr appts- I'm pooped.  We have just added Speech and Occupational Therapy to my youngest child's weekly schedule, so things are kind of being put on the side in my house lately, like laundry and cleaning.  By the time "The Man" gets home, I'm ready to escape to bed.  And I feel real bad about that, I truly do.  I hate feeling "disconnected"  from my family.  Then there is the lack of motivation to compose both music or this blog.  Music, once my greatest joy, has become a task.  I used to play for 8 hrs a day with only a lunch break.  Now I just barely pick up an instrument.  Where has my ambition gone?  The desire to create?  How do I get it back?
How does one shake the "funk of life" off?  My answer is "you don't", you just keep on trucking.  Let's hope I don't pop a tire in the process.

Apologies for my neglect

I am sorry, haven't had much time to blog lately. It's been crazy here, between gymnastics meets, sick husband and kids, and music arranging, I'm burnt out. Oh, I guess you could add game playing in there too. Santa brought me a PS3 game and I have been trying to play ( at least whenever my family lets me).
I am trying not to bitch too much here. Who wants to read rantings all the time? I know that I would rather not.
So if I'm not complaining about something, what should I write about? The weather sucks, I should probably stay away from that subject. I hate politics. I am neither a republican or a democrat, nor do I support one over the other. I'm more of a "show me what you have done" type of gal. So that subject is out. My family is always doing something to piss me off- let's stay away from that one. So the conundrum continues.
Oh well, guess you all will have to wait until I feel like bitching again!!!

Time waster games, and why I cannot play them!

FarmVille, Zombie Lane, CityVille, and the like. Are game creators just trying to kill me?? Why, oh why do you make these games so addicting? I can get lost in one of these games for hours, interrupting my daily life and routine, just to make sure my crops, buildings, etc, are okay! The madness must stop. I get suckered in WAY too easily. The obsessive part of me just cannot resist. Unfortunately, that means I must delete such games from my phone.. But even though the games get deleted, somewhere in my head I hear that siren song "Alissa, come play my addictive game. You know you want to, Need to, HAVE TO!! Come to the dark side! Forget about lessons, cleaning, and kids. Come, play, become immersed!" No! I must resist your temptations! At least until everyone goes to bed that is :)

Reflections upon 2011

Much has happened during this year. Much that I would like to forget and put way, way, WAY back in my memories. Stresses and arguments, wars and deaths. I want to start anew, but I know that even though all the crap that happened this year has made me stronger, it has also made me cynical. I have lost friends, gained new ones and strengthened established relationships. I have watched my children grow a little taller and more mature (of course as I write this, my two older kids are acting like infants-they are 11 and 10 yrs old). Time seems to be going faster as I get older, and all I want it to do is slow down just a bit.
I hope in the new year I can step back and slow down. I hope I can stop letting everything stress me out. I hope I can start trusting my own mind and heart and not the thoughts and actions of others, especially those who would rather hurt me than help me. And I say "I hope" because we all set up expectations of what we want to become as the New Year arrives. I want to have "Hopes" rather than "resolutions".
But for my last "Hope", I hope you all have a safe Happy New Year with much love, luck and happiness throughout. And as they say in my maternal grandfather's language 事事如意、心想事成 (shì shì rúyì, xīn xiǎng shì chéng)： Things will happen as you wish.
Happy New Year To You All!

Tis the season- For a Christmas lament

Ok, 4 days till Christmas, and all through the house.
My children are screaming and so is the spouse.
The stockings are hidden, the gifts are all wrapped.
Santa has been here, he called in advance.
He likes to come early to discuss all the kids.
But now I have called him,
I hope he replies.
My son got a gift today,
that's already been brought.
From a school in the area,
It was a gracious thought.
I appreciate the gesture
I really, truly do.
But it's already been bought.
Now what do we do?
Do I go and unwrap it and send it back too?
So now I am panicked.
Now I will fret.
And what else should I get him,
to replace the great gift?
A game, or a toy, or a stupid pogo stick?
I really wish Christmas would miss me this year!
I'm tired of the songs, and the joy and the greed.
I just want the new year to come here with speed.
So Santa please hurry, and make it come fast.
And please make it go away, finally at last!!

My Boy, The Gymnast and My Hero!

Yesterday, my oldest son (A.D.D. Boy) had his first gymnastics meet. I was so proud of him, because even though he started later in life than most gymnasts(most gymnasts start as early as 3 yrs old), he did AWESOME.  Here is his story :)
He started when he was 8yo.  We weren't even looking for an activity for him, we were looking to place his brother(Misery child) in a program to help with his social skills.  So we asked ADD boy if he wanted to try it.  My kid, never passing up an opportunity to be physical, said yes. So he joined a boy's class, soon he was in two classes, one boy's class and a trampoline class.  That soon turned into one boy's class, a trampoline class and trampoline pre-team.  He loved it, lived for it.  But after some time, the boy's class was not enough for him, he wanted more. 

So we joined a new gym that had boy's competitive teams.  We told the instructor that his goal was a team placement, he said okay, but put him in an advanced boy's class.  Well after a year of going nowhere and doing nothing but more trampoline, I asked the teacher about the boy's team.  By this time my son was 10yo.  He proceeds to tell me that he is too old for a team.  I proceed to look for another gym.  Someone suggested Indigo Gym in New Providence, NJ.  We called and made an appointment for a try out.  This gym was relatively new, we had hoped that they would say "Yes, we want you!". 

And that is just what they did.  They put ADD on the pre-team.  Six months later, they put him on level 5 non competitive team (he started too late on team to compete).  And this was fine because he got extra time to learn routines and build muscle strength.  This year he is on the competitive team, and he totally ROCKS!  I love the fact that even though my son was told "No" by other people, he never gave up, never got down about it.  He brushed himself off, and kept on trying.  How many 11yr olds can you say you know that act like this?  

If you know someone, regardless of their age, and they keep trying to achieve their goals, no matter how great or small they may be- pat them on the back, let them know how much you admire them. I hope my son realizes how proud I am of him and all he does and that it's not the medals that make me feel this way, it's he, himself, that is the reason.

Oh, and BTW- he came in 10th place All Around for his age group!!! Who's too old now, Jerky!!

O Christmas Tree, OChristmas Tree, will you change my mood- we'll see

The morning started very early for me.  I arose at 6:30 for no reason.  Decided I would try to knit a bit more (it actually is beginning to look like a scarf-GO ME!!).  Then my 10 yr old (Misery child) came downstairs, and thus my peace and quiet (more like my sanity) was ripped away from me in the tornado that is Mr. Misery.  He went to bed late and woke up too early and that equals BAD MOOD!!
So after an hour of screaming at me, he starts crying.  I get him to calm down, and then he gets a nosebleed, which is also typical of him. Okay, crisis averted.
Seeing as it is December 3rd, I should feel christmassy, but alas I do not.  So I have suggested to the family that we go get our Christmas Tree today.  My husband being in a good mood (or at least afraid of me turning to the dark side) said ok.  Maybe it will lift my spirits as well as the kids or at least give them something to look forward to doing today, seeing as it is a Do Nothing Day.  So we get the kids bundled up, go to Home Depot, and A.D.D. boy (my 11yo) picks a beautiful one. This was the easy part-  it turned into a big Chaotic mess when we got home.
My kids were excited, ESPECIALLY Chaos child (my 5yo).  This is the first Christmas that he finally realizes what is going on.
As I am trying to string up the lights, I must have gotten 5 calls and messages (did I ever mention that I have a hard time transitioning from one activity to another without cursing?? Hmm now you know, and knowing is half the battle).  In all the noise and mess of Christmas decorations, i finally let the kids decorate the tree.  Well, I forgot to tell my older two kids  DO NOT TO LET CHAOS HAVE THE GLASS ORNAMENTS!!  It was my fault, I didn't think about it.  So now I am missing 3 glass ornaments that we have had since we got married (they were a gift from my Bestie Amy, a really beautiful bridal set). So now I am ready to cry, but not before I start screaming for assistance from "The Man"-AKA Rick. It did get better after his assistance was requested. 
Here is the final result:

 I put out my Christmas Village, which I have never done before.  It is not that big, but it is a work in progress :)

We all worked as a family, which is rare in my house (I can't even get the kids to sit at the table and eat diner together) so it was nice.  The day finished quietly, the kids went to bed early.  I got to knit a bit more and The Man got to beat things up on the PS3.  Still not feeling the Christmas Spirit, but it is early yet in the season. 

Today's Score

Today's score is an arrangement of The Twelve Days of Christmas.  Please take a listen and let me know how you like it.  Happy Holidays everyone!

December's List of Authors to check out!!!!

Last month I put up a list of new authors.  Here is this month's list.
And please, if you read one of their books-Give a review :)

S.L.Pearce- http://slpiercebooks.blogspot.com/
joey Pinkney- http://joeypinkney.com/
Ron Gavalik- http://www.gritcitypublications.com/
Benjamin Matvey- http://www.fictionaut.com/stories/benjamin-matvey/piece-of-mind
Watt Davenport- http://www.lunaraseries.com/
Eric Kobb Miller- http://spittoonssaloon.blogspot.com/
Arleen Alleman- http://www.arleenalleman.com/
Kathryn Braund- http://www.kathrynbraund.net/
Steve Umstead- http://steveumstead.com/
Frank Marcopolos- http://frankmarcopolos.com/
Steven Ames Berry- http://authorstephenamesberry.com/
Martin Perry- http://legacy-universe.com/
John-Paul Cleary-  http://convergentspace.blog.co.uk/
Bernard J. Schaffer- http://apiarysociety.typepad.com/enemy_blog/
Many stories to choose from- http://storyfans.com/
Kevin Paul Shaw Broden- http://kevinpsbroden.blogspot.com/
Laura Stamps- http://www.avampskiss.blogspot.com/
Roger Grubbs- http://booksbyrogergrubbs.wordpress.com/
John Lavan- http://poemsfromreality.blogspot.com/
Virgil Allen Moore- http://demongift.blogspot.com/
Jesse James Freeman- http://billypurgatory.wordpress.com/
William G. Jones- http://williamgjones.com/blog/
Jessica Hatchigan- http://hatchigan.com/about.html

Moody aint the word

I don't know what is going on around me. My kids are little bags of opposition, my husband is just oblivious, and I'm definitely not a happy camper.
I recently found out that someone I knew and respected passed on. I don't know whether I want to cry or be angry because I found out by accident. Homeschooling is not going well for my older son. I just realised that he is failing two subjects because he is lazy and I've been too lax about his studies. My middle son is acting even more obnoxious than usual (and that's with him on the meds), and my younger son is refusing to potty train and keeps being destructive.
I really want to just skip Christmas this year. I feel very disconnected from reality. Maybe I'm going through my midlife crisis, and that would be fine except I'm only 36yrs old. Should I go out and buy a Harley? My older son would suggest a corvette instead.
I think I will go play Christmas music and bawl my eyes out. This is definitely starting to turn out to be a blue Christmas for me.

Black Friday=Epic Fail!!!

Every year I go out on Black Friday with my friend Amy.  We usually do really well, despite the smelly, rude people we encounter at the mall (most of them shopping in Macy's)  Well much to our surprise, this was not meant to be today.  The stores were EMPTY.  Like a ghost town in some.  The mall was just somewhat busier.  Did all the crazy people go shopping last night?  Did we miss some secret shoppers sale because we chose to go at 4am instead of at midnight?  And not only were the stores empty, the sales sucked too!  I usually finish the majority of my shopping in one day, but today was different.  It looks like it will be a very Amazon.com Christmas this year.  I hope the UPS drivers are getting ready for me, because I still have a lot to purchase (and a lot to return because I found it cheaper online when I returned home :(
Did you go out shopping today?  And how did you fare?  I wonder if many people are having the same issue that I did.

Happy Thanksgiving :)

Today is the day I have been planning for. The day I have been dreading. I'm going to cook all this food, and I will only eat a little of it today. You spend hours and hours of prepping and cooking, and when the meal is served all you want to do is eat a piece of bread and go to bed.
On the upside- I will not have to cook for at least two weeks. Leftovers are my favourite part of this holiday. And making turkey soup is the crowning finale of the leftovers.
Alright, I think I'm ready. Come on Thanksgiving, I'm ready for you. Let's get this party started!!
Wishing you all a very safe and joyous Thanksgiving. Filled with family and friends. And if you would rather not celebrate with others, you can always use one of the excuses from my previous post 😁

New Holiday Excuses for not coming over for Thanksgiving

Here are a list of excuses you may have heard or used to get out of going somewhere for Thanksgiving.
1-I want to stay home by myself and reflect on the year.
2-I hurt myself and I am too hopped up on percoset/vikaden/codine/crack cocaine/etc to be social.
3-So and so wasn't invited, so I will stay home with them.  Don't want them to be alone on a holiday!
4-You live too far away, and the kids can't sit long enough to handle the ride.
5-My (insert name here) only eats my cooking.
6- The kids don't really like turkey and the sides.  We will just grab McDonald's.
7-We don't DO Thanksgiving.
8-Don't have anyone to take care of my (cat, dog, kid, elderly neighbour,tarantula,etc)
9- I NEED to stay home and watch a football game, paint dry, leaves fall off the trees,etc.
And finally:
10- We really don't like you, but deal with you because we have to, no hard feelings or anything but we would rather douse ourselves in gravy and jump into a pit of angry and hungry rat dogs and scorpions, while doing the jig, naked!

As the holidays approach- a ranting of holidays past,of sorts.

I love the feeling of the holidays.  The air is different, the people a bit nicer, and my house a lot more chaotic.  I love to cook, especially for Thanksgiving.  I always make a ton of food for my small house (there are 5 of us plus the MIL), just in case all the people that I invite over, would actually come over.

When I was a young child, I used to love going to my grandparents house for Thanksgiving and Christmas Eve, hanging with my cousins, eating the great food (American and Spanish- Oh it makes my mouth water just remembering it).  I loved that feeling of belonging to something greater.  It was always about being with each other, not the presents (because in actuality, mine usually sucked anyway-never anything that I wanted, just whatever was on sale).  But I looked past that because it wasn't the reason why we were gathered.  So when we started our family, I always wanted to do the same thing- invite all of my friends and family over so we could be together to eat, drink and watch the kids be crazy.

Now don't get me wrong,  I love spending time with my little family.  I also came from a family of 5.  But I always had my Nannie, or uncles or mom's friends come over to our house either on or the day before or the day after the holiday.  We don't really do that now.  Everyone is too busy with their own lives, or we just are not on the priority list.  I'm lucky to get a phone call or a card from some of our relatives, the acknowledgement that you exist, but are not worthy to belong to their special club.

So every year we invite friends or family, in hopes that I can relive the glorious days of old.  Some say they are coming and some say maybe, and others say "no" (my parents live in N.Y. and don't drive.)  I am always prepared, I go buy the biggest turkey I can find,  all ingredients for the sides and desserts, and I start prepping days in advance.  And then the phone calls come-"sorry, we changed our minds, maybe we will come for dessert"  or "sorry, we are going to stay home because I don't want to drive the 30mins it takes to get to you" or even better yet -"I don't celebrate the holidays, I just want to be by myself (my husband tried this one the first year we were dating, that sooo didn't fly with me)".  Well thanks, I now know why I gain about 40lbs during the holidays, it's because I refuse to let the food go to waste.

But, even though this happens EVERY DAMN YEAR, I still invite my friends and family over,  I still make enough food to feed and army,  I still crave the feeling of belonging to something other than my small family, for my kids to have the same experience. And I am still hopeful that someone might surprise me one day and just show up.  I might have a heart attack, but I"ll have one with a smile on my face :D
So, I hope you have a wonderful Thanksgiving.  One filled with friends and family, no matter how big or small it may be.  This year I will try to be Thankful for the many blessings that have been bestowed unto me and my family, because that's what it really about!
HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!!!!

Today's Score

Today's score is an original composition called Echoes of Spike.  Please take a listen and let me know how you like it.  If you have the Scorch plugin in your browser you can also find it here at Score Exchange.

Knitting, an adventure

I am going to try to knit.  I can crochet pretty decently already and I have decided I need to broaden my horizons.  I have tried knitting before, with minimal success.  I can make a scarf, that is about my skill level with knitting.  Pathetic, I know, especially since I have made sweaters, nativities, blankets-all with crochet.  I feel like if I don't learn how to knit, I will become a yarn failure.  You may ask- how hard can it be?  You can do one, why can't you do the other?  I have this same problem with the piano.  I can play with one hand quite well-but get two hands together and all hell breaks loose!!  So, here I go, into the wild knitting yonder.  Hope I don't poke an eye out with the needles, they are mighty pointy :x

A Sick Person's Whinge

Who likes to be sick??? Not I! But this is the time of year when I am bombarded by illness from the little germ bags I like to call "kids".  I hate feeling like I have not accomplished anything because my immune system has decided to go on vacation.  I hate knowing that school work is not being done, and the house is a mess and I just don't have the energy (or enthusiasm) to take care of it.  So, instead of actually doing productive work, I am hiding in my husband's office (don't worry dear, I am not playing with your Transformers-scouts honor!!) with the heater on, and a cup of tea waiting for the Advil to take affect and make the headache go away.  Oh well, guess I will have to suck it up and deal with this being a very non productive day.